I can’t help it. I get an email announcing that a renowned author will be visiting our school. I immediately become intrigued and want to look her up. What has she written? What is her Twitter feed like? Is she someone that I would have things in common with? And then I stop cold. Nope. Not going to do it. Because that’s exactly what “she” would do. But “she” wouldn’t stop there. “She” would all of sudden become this author’s greatest fan. “She” would have all of her books– probably even read them all before the visit. “She” will be the first in line to meet the author when she comes in the building. “She” will make sure that everyone else knows that “she” is the resident expert on the author.
I know this sounds incredibly bitter. And overall, not very kind! But before you write me off as snarky, let me ask you, have you met Penelope? I am sure you have, although your “Penelope” may go by a different name. I have been able to name “her” after reading Escaping the School Leader’s Dunk Tank: How to Prevail When Others Want to See You Drown by Rebecca Coda and Rick Jetter. Their concept of identifying what is holding you back, naming it and then figuring out how to prevail has given me the courage to put this particular situation into words.
Here is on of my favorites:
In other words, “she” is the classic Penelope one-upper.
I don’t want to compete. And yet, “she” draws you into competition with even the most mundane comment. If I were to follow through with my initial impulse and research this author, I start to question my own motives. Am I genuinely interested, or am I trying to . . . well- pull a “Penelope” myself?
I am reminded of this quote:
Yes- I like to feel special and distinguished.
Yes- I like to stand out from my peers.
Yes- I am willing to do extra research and schmoozing to network and connect.
Yes- I think that you can go too far.
Yes- I think that “she” represents the extreme of the mild form of my tendencies of this behaviour.
The main disfunction that this situation incurs is that I alter my natural actions based on another person. This is not uncommon for many of us. But it is the resentment and frustration that accumulate that are unhealthy and detrimental.
How have you dealt with your “Penelope”?
Are you the “Penelope”, and if so, is it such a bad thing?
What are examples of “Penelope” that you have faced and what have been successful strategies?
Karen: We are honored that you selected “Dunk Tank” themes for your first blog post. Your post reminds me of all the driving emotions that we talk about in our book. “I’ve met that person . . . and that one too. And . . . that one, as well.” You get the idea. When the adults in our organizations can focus on the tasks at hand and leave themselves vulnerable to humanness and fallibility, then we can roll up our sleeves, knock off the nonsense, and help students to profit from the additional time that we expend trying to be the best in the room or the most expert on the planet. GREAT writing! Keep writing!
Excellent blog post! I look forward to reading your future posts. I love to ask questions of Penelopes and break down their walls. Questions like, “Can you give me a time when something failed and you used reflection to make a change and succeed in the classroom?” Often Penelopes have been created by the system and are afraid to fall from the pedestal. It is hard to be the author asked to a school and not know the answer, because you are supposed to know all the answers, right? Nope! Your confidence and compassion set you apart and these Penelopes find a safe place to be real. LOVE!